day 23... did absence make your heart grow fonder?

topic today: something i wish i'd done.
well, questions like this suck. cause if i changed my life at all, would i have ellie? would i have met logan?
let's just say, this is the thing i would go back and change if i could still have ellie and logan. i would have gone to college. i probably would have gone to nashville and studied music at belmont, or maybe berklee in boston. i wanted to do it. but i didn't think it was that big of a deal. i also didn't realize how complicated grown-up life really is. sure, i can go back to school as an adult. i can study all kinds of things. i can even get grants and stuff cause i'm a single momma. but when would i fit in time for classes and homework? i work full time, and i can't afford to work less. and of course, my first priority is ellie, and getting her through school... my eighteen year old self had no idea. my eighteen year old self thought she was too freaking punk rock to conform to normal education, or something stupid like that. what a bunch of dumb! how pretentious! on top of it all, now that i'm older and wiser, i have to admit my mother was right about it!
i'm not giving up on my education, but the choices i have before me now are much more complicated than they were when i was younger.
so, kids, go to college and don't smoke.

day 22, slacking as usual

today's topic is something i wish i hadn't done in my life. well, i wish i had never started smoking. or started again, after i had ellie. i am in the process of quitting right now. i am miserable, and angry. i am short-tempered, and bitchy to people i love. because i really want a cigarette. seriously, why have i been willing to let myself be controlled by nicotine for so long? and when i think of the dollars i've wasted... i have been an idiot. no longer! i give up! i will be free of you, evil tobacco! ( i mean, i love you, please don't go!)

let this be a lesson, children. smoking may seem cool, edgy, rebellious, or whatever. but you will get addicted. and it will suck. and that nicotine gum is lousy.