day 14: a hero that has let you down

i had to think a little about this one. i'm still hesitating as i type... because this one is about my dad. i love my dad. and, even though i still struggle with some of this stuff, his life isn't the same as it was. we have a pretty good relationship. i don't know that i can say he was ever my hero, exactly, but he's my dad. you know how you feel about your parents when you're little, right?
i had a pretty good childhood. nice, normal, church-going, middle-class, parents actually married to eachother. then, one day, when i was about eleven or twelve, i found out that i had a brother. my dad had been married before, and had a son. and i never knew he even existed. the reality of this was lost in the excitement of having a brother of my own. getting to meet him for the first time was incredible. he was so obviously my family.
a couple of years later, i found out there was another son. from another marriage. that was when it started to sink in... my dad didn't stay with those families.
now, i'm a single mom. and my dad hates my daughter's father for being an absentee pseudo father. obviously, with good reason. but inside i sometimes want to shout at him, you did it, too! you walked away, you deprived your sons of their father, and my sister and i of our brothers.
my dad has made a lot of mistakes, and so have i. i love him and i forgive him and i believe that he's been changed by some of his mistakes into a better man. but it still changed the way i see him.
gah, see why i didn't want to write this? i want to delete it. but i won't.